Archive for February, 2012

Nariah says… #69

Posted: February 22, 2012 in Comedy, Nariah
Tags: , ,

We’re sitting at the dinner table finishing up our food. Nariah is telling us about her day at school and how she wanted to say something smart to her friend but decided against it. When she told us what it was, Toya and I laughed and told her that she was pretty funny.
Nariah, when did you learn to ‘jone’ on people like that?
What’s ‘joning’ mommy?
You know baby, those mama jokes daddy would say sometimes? Like ‘Yo mama so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck’
Nariah busts out laughing.

The next three things Nariah said may not  make the most sense, but they were too funny not to share.

Oh yeah, well yo mama so fat, she’s like a beach ball and I can throw her out west!

Yo mama teeth so sharp, she bit a beaver!

Yo mama so tall, when she picks up a box, it says ‘OMG’

I really don’t know what to do with her. LOL

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Always trying  to outdo previous years, I decided to experiment this Valentines day with a new lobster dish. I will try my best to go with the measurements since this was a game time decision attempt at grilling excellence.

4 Lobster Tails (Shelled with meat carefully removed and cleaned)
4 Strips of your favorite bacon
Garlic Powder
Old Bay seasoning
Agave Nectar

Basting Sauce:
1 cup Southern Comfort
1/2 cup Butterscotch Schnapps
50mL of maple syrup (Grade B preferably) (one of those little small sampler jars is what I used)
A few shakes of garlic powder
Even more shakes of Old Bay
1/2 stick of butter or margarine
A couple of squeezes of a honey bottle

Heat the basting sauce ingredients in a sauce pan, letting it come to a calm boil. Pay attention to it, because depending on how much Old Bay you use, it can bubble up and over. Once all of the butter is melted and it has boiled for a couple of minutes, reduce heat and let simmer. Taste and add honey to your liking.

Season the lobster meat with the Old Bay and garlic powder. Then lightly drizzle the agave nectar over the meat. Carefully wrap each tail with bacon, securing the ends with toothpicks.

Prepare grill for direct grilling and brush hot grates with olive oil. Over medium to high heat add the lobster tail. Be ready to maneuver quickly, as this basting sauce is pretty flammable. After about a minute, start basting the the lobster tails. As the flames flare up, just gently move and rotate the lobsters. Close the grill and repeat this cycle every minute or two.

The goal is to cook until the bacon is done. Normally when I cook lobsters in the shell, they take only 10 minutes on the grill. I don’t know the science of it, but this method actually took about 20 minutes as I had to make sure the bacon was done. The bacon will take longer to cook with the constant turning, but it seems to protect the lobster and this was the juiciest lobster I have ever eaten in my entire life!

Enjoy!

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Nariah says… #68

Posted: February 19, 2012 in Comedy, Nariah
Tags: , , ,

For those of you that personally know Nariah, you know that she is a party starter and finisher. Whether its a fight party, game night, spades tournament, she wants to be in the mix, where all the action is.

We were invited to a Michael Jackson Wii party last night. Nariah is too excited and if I remember correctly, the only person that danced to all the songs. There were a couple of people who hadn’t jumped into the fray yet after quite a few songs and mentioned that they would partake if maybe there was an easier a slower song. Personally I’ve never played the slower songs on MJ Experience, even wished they had nixed the slow songs and given us more of the upbeat MJ hits. Who sets a Wii party off with “The Earth Song”?

“Heal the World” is the selected song. Nariah is up playing. After about a minute into the song, she says : “Ugh… This song just isn’t my style. This is too slow for me!

Fast forward about an hour into the night.

We brought Just Dance 2 with us just in case anybody wanted to play. As the host puts the game in, Nariah asks “Can we do the wiggety wack brothers?
The who? What song is that?
The two guys, they are brothers
People are looking at me for resolution, and I’m actually stumped myself.
One of the other guest mentions in a side conversation that I overhear: “I’ve only played this game once, and they have this song, where all you do is jump. I’m serious, all you do is jump the whole song.
I immediately bust out laughing as it hits me. (Of course looking crazy at the time)
Nariah, (chuckle), you mean Kriss Kross? The wiggety wiggety wiggety wiggety wack song? Jump?
Yeah daddy! That’s it!

Context clues… I tell ya!

The sign on the door...


**Danica**

I was teaching a health lesson, and I wanted to get the kids’ opinions on the cafeteria lunches. One guy said, “I don’t like that they make us drink low fat milk and none of us are fat!

Other people’s kids say… #24

Posted: February 13, 2012 in Comedy, Other people's kids
Tags:

**Mary Jo**

Dana (13 yrs old) was taking the plastic off a pack of gum. After several minutes and still not getting the plastic off she says “This gum must be blond proof…


**Katie**

It was around Christmas and I had to put Eli in a time out. As I left the room and told him he had to stay for 3 minutes he said “And a bah-hum-bug to you too!


Part 1:

It was a dark and stormy night…
Ok, so it really wasn’t, but it was a windy freezing weird kinda snowy day. Just perfect for a winter pool party in a 90 degree indoor pool for Nariah’s birthday. After being a zombie water monster to 25 kids and winding down at home going through the presents, I was exhausted.
I look to Nariah as she gleefully goes through the gifts.
Baby… after today, we may not have another party till you’re 10-15 years old or something…
Daddy…“, Nariah pauses, looks up at me from her gift, rolls her eyes, shakes her head and walks over to get another gift, “You’re such a cutie sometimes“.
Toya proceeds to bust out laughing.  Hmph.

Part 2:

We’re sitting at the table eating dinner. Nariah doesn’t get to drink soda close to bedtime and I happened to have a Pepsi at the table with my dinner as leftover drinks from the birthday party today.  So… I accidently pooted. Nariah looks at me with the “ewwww” face. Then she slyly reaches across the table and grabs my soda. As she pulls it back to her, I give her the “And what do you think you’re doing?” look.
This child of ours said to me…
I’m thinking that if I take a couple of sips of this soda, it will probably make the smell of your poot go away“.

Now you know I couldn’t deny her the soda after that comeback. Man I am in trouble, this girl is good.


As I’m sure any of you with kids know, at some point in the day, you’re going to ask your child how their day at school was. This conversation happened between Toya and Nariah. I will do my best to give the best visual description of the motions you are about to read about, but sometimes, I think the only way to capture everything in this household is to go fully live like the Truman Show.

Mommy, ‘M’ said something to me today that I didn’t like
She did? What happened baby?
Well she was playing with my braids and she said she was gonna do my hair.
Oh you let her play in your hair?
Yeah, she was being a hairdresser. She said that my braids weren’t done right and that she needed to take them out to fix them
What did you say?
I just said ‘No thank you’. I didn’t say what I wanted to say though because I didn’t want the teachers to hear me and I get in trouble
Wow Nariah, you were going to say something bad?
Nariah begins the “neck” motion (I know everyone knows the “neck” motion) and rolls her eyes : “Mommy, what I wanted to say was ‘It’s not wrong, cuz that’s how my MAMA do it!

After my series of laughter, I try to think about the situation. Am I liking the fact that she has the mindset to stick up for herself or am I liking the fact that she actually thought about the repercussions and took the high road as a better option?

(I voted to let her know that I didn’t think she would get in trouble for saying what she wanted to say this go around)

photo used courtesy of http://www.mamaknowsitall.com/

Nariah says… #64

Posted: February 5, 2012 in Comedy, Nariah

We’re doing Sunday chores as normal and Nariah is not too excited about cleaning up.
Out of the blue while sweeping she says: “When I grow up, I’m not going to work!

Toya replies : “Huh? Nariah, everybody has to work. That’s how we make money and pay bills and stuff

Mommy… I’ll just get a cash back credit card!

*silence…..*