Unfortunately, Nariah has fallen victim just like kids around the country to the recent trend of illness. Everybody all over the country is getting sick right now. Going through the trials of being worrisome parents in not knowing if its the flu, strep, this, that, or the other one over there, you notice the progression in life. As infants, you just have a crying baby, and have no clue what is wrong. You try any and everything. Then you get to the stage where they can talk and tell you what’s hurting, and you think this is the most wonderful thing in life that now you “know”. That then rolls into EVERYTHING being a stomach ache. Is it something they ate? They don’t want to go to school? Do they really know the difference between aches and pain? All in all, nothing pains you more than seeing your child suffering and not knowing what you can do to help him or her. Nonetheless, there always seems to be a silver lining to be found.
Toya and I have been tag-teaming home duty and today she took Nariah in to the Dr’s since her fever made a return late last night. I just received this email from Toya’s blackberry, and while it doesn’t give out “information”, this is pretty much one of the best forms of assurance I’ve received as a parent from a 5 year old child that things are “OK”. (copied as sent) :
Some of you may have heard Nariah and I were in a car accident this past Friday. We are ok, as I am here typing this blog. I’m suffering a bit of pain and going through PT, but by grace of God Nariah wasn’t injured. Instead of focusing on the frightening aspects of the accident, I wanted to share a lighter moment of the day which further solidifies how wonderful I think my daughter is.
I have just been transported to the examination room in the ER via ambulance. Toya had arrived at the scene and brought the family to meet me there. As we’re sitting in the room and the Dr is checking my spleen and other organs I may or may not have known I have for damages, Nariah is over to the side looking fearful and concerned as ever. Shortly, the Dr leaves to fill out the prescription info.
Nariah comes over to me. “Daddy… are you ok? I don’t want anything to happen to you”
“I’m going to be ok baby, I’ll be up in no time to chase you around the house ok?”
“Well, daddy…, you might want to get another Dr, or have her look at you some more.”
“Why’s that?”
“Look at your leg daddy, I think the accident made one of your legs shorter than the other, they need to fix that or you’re gonna be walking funny. We need to tell the Dr when she comes back!”
I laughed but then had to stop because it hurt my side to laugh. She definitely has my good intentions in mind! To make me feel better later on that evening, she dumped some strawberry applesauce into a tupperware bowl and brought that with a small box of nerds candy to my bed to help me feel better and read me 2 bedtime stories. Now I definitely have to make I get this leg straightened out!
On a day like any other, I’m off to pick up Nariah from daycare. She’s sitting at the table when I arrive and doesn’t do the usual “Dadddddddddy!” while running into your body part where a 4 year old head would hit if she were to run into you full speed. Instead, she calmly walks over with this picture in hand and hands it to me.
“Here Daddy! I made this for you!”
“Thanks baby! Its beautiful! What did you make this time?”
“Its a heart daddy! When you stayed overnight at the hospital with mommy when Toryn was born, you both looked like you needed a present. So I made this for you. I made one for mommy too!“
And she just stands there looking at me, not smiling, but with that look of “I love you daddy” look. I can’t really describe the feeling that overcame me when I gave her a hug and told her thank you. The feeling in that hug she gave me back was definitely something else. People always ask me, when kids are running around screaming, the prices of daycare inflates, the attitudes, the talkbacks, the long nights of zero sleep, and the lack of parental privacy if having kids worth the trouble. Little moments like this more than make it all worthwhile.
There are simple things in life people unintentionally do that impact others more so than when they purposely try provoke feelings. My wife did that to me today. Sometimes you tell somebody you love them, or give gifts, or do special things for them to express how you feel. But sometimes its the things you do when you’re just minding your own business that truly hit the heart in the deepest realm.
We’re coming upon 2 months to baby goldman #2’s due date so naturally, we’re trying to get the house together, bit by bit. Toya’s cleaning our bedroom and I’m kind of just bustling all around the house. Ever now and then, I enter the bedroom for something, say a few words, and keep it moving. I noticed she’s turned the TV off and has music playing. Nothing out of place. A few minutes later I return and hear what sounded like the same song, but I wasn’t sure, so it didn’t really stick on my mind. It was an old soul classic, a lot of those songs have similar beats.
A good 10-15 minutes later, I’m now helping out with the clothes in the bedroom. I turn the TV on mute so I can watch the game and she can still listen to her music. The song playing goes off, and the next song starts back up, its the same song. So now I’m thinking “has she been listening to this same song all this time?”.
“Baby, is this song on repeat or something?”
“Yes, it’s Anita Baker, I love this song, its one of my favorite songs.”
“Oh, I never knew this was one of your favorite songs, what’s the name of it again?”
“Giving You The Best That I Got”
“You’re not tired of listening to it over and over though?”
“I really love this song because it reminds me of you.”
***silence***
“I think about you when I hear it, and it makes me happy.”
“Oh… uh…. wow… thanks baby! I love you too!”
“You should look up the lyrics when you get a chance. Even though this is an older song, it truly conveys what you mean to me.“
My wife just expressed true love for me by simple non-action more so than a planned Valentine’s dinner, or a romantic night out on the town could. I’m pretty sure my wife loves me, and I’m pretty sure that she’s sure that I love her!
Here’s the song and lyrics.
Ain’t there something I can give you In exchange for everything you give to me Read my mind and make me feel just fine When I think my peace of mind is out of reach
The scales are sometimes unbalanced And you bear the weight of all that has to be I hope you see that you can lean on me And together we can calm a stormy sea
We love so strong and so unselfishly And I tell you now that I made a vow I’m giving you the best that I got, baby Yes I tell you now, that I made a vow I’m giving you the best that I got, honey
Everybody’s got opinions ‘Bout the way they think our story’s gonna end Some folks feel it’s just a superficial thrill Everybody’s gonna have to think again
We love so strong and so unselfishly They don’t bother me so I’m gonna keep on Giving you the best that I got, baby They don’t bother me, said I’m gonna keep on Giving you the best that I got, listen baby
Somebody understands me Somebody gave his heart to me I stumbled my whole life long Always on my own, now I’m home
My weary mind is rested And I feel as if my home is in your arms Fears are all gone, I like the sound of your song And I think I want to sing it forever
We love so strong and so unselfishly And I made a vow so I tell you now I’m giving you the best that I got, baby I bet everything on my wedding ring I’m giving you the best that I got, givin’ it to you baby
“You better not do anything extra! You already did way too much for Christmas and for my Birthday! Seriously, I have everything!”
These words ring through my head pretty much every year. It’s a difficult and expensive time of the year. Kind of like how everyone mentions “first of the month” in reference to their bills, I have “first of the year”. Between Christmas, a January birthday, and Valentines, there is a serious challenge to keep the bar raised, not only for that particular year, but in relation to previous years. At what point do you simmer down and heed to the warning “You better not do anything extra!”? That episode of the Cosby show where Elvin didn’t listen to Sondra and went out with two female friends is a fresh memory. (If your memory fails you, click me). Do flowers and candy and romantic night out on the town ever grow old? Especially if you do these things on a whim? How do you change up Valentines so it’s unexpected? That’s a tough task especially with your 11th valentines with a person. For me trying to catch her off guard, I had to dive into the memory banks for what I’ve “heard” over the past few months.
For those that don’t know, my wife is a TV producer for Discovery Channel. She’s constantly watching shows, making notes, editing, and watching shows (did I mention that already?). Sometimes it keeps her up after me at night and most of ya’ll know I’m a night owl. So in order to go over narrations and cuts, she usually wears headphones to hear “everything”. Now Toya goes through some headphones. With the constant day to day use and travel back and forth from work to home, I can see why. Since her newest “good” pair of headphones now only work in one ear, I started my quest for a different Vday gift.
Thank goodness for these wireless heavy duty headphones. You know you’ve found something worth giving when you think “Hmmm, I wouldn’t mind having a pair of these for myself!” Since these are kinda pricey, now that task becomes how do I get by the “I told you not to overdo it” reaction. Food? A nice dinner seems to calm the senses. As to not deal with a crazy crowd of the public at a restaurant we decided to try a new dish and cook dinner together Sunday night instead of Monday.
I grilled the porkchops (injected with agave nectar, and topped with fresh cut sugarcane, pineapple, and a mix of seasonings) and she cooked the crunchy mac n cheese from Princess Tiana’s Cookbook (crunch was from crackers baked on top, very yummy) and some mustard and turnip greens mixed.
Stuffed and pleased, on to phase two. Nariah and I ask Mommy if its alright to give her our gifts tonight so we can show her how to use them without the hustle n’ bustle of getting ready for school and work in the morning. Shock valued achieved? Check. “Didn’t I tell you….?” statement avoided? Check. “Awww, you’re so thoughtful! This is niiiiiiiiiice” type reaction? Check.
Looks like sometimes technology can be romantic. Knowing what your significant other is passionate about and feeding off that definitely helps when going for that “different” route. And yes, I did still get her flowers, a nice orchid plant for her to take to work was waiting for her in the kitchen when she woke up in the morning. (Traditional isn’t always bad). I also “borrowed” some of Nariah’s Disney Valentines cards for school and put them in various places so Toya will find them throughout the day at work and stuff. Always a cool idea becuase she never knows how many she’s getting. :o)
grillsidestories 