Archive for the ‘Nariah’ Category


So I’m sitting here with Nariah and we’re on my laptop looking up some pizza deals to order for dinner. Well on the yahoo front page, there’s the headline stating coach Jay Gruden is “done” with RG3.
Oh Nariah… look! Washington’s coach is done with RG3!
What does that mean?
Well it means he doesn’t want him on the team anymore, aint that something?
Oh… So now what is he gonna do?…..            Be a loser?

I had to laugh at that one. Its wrong, but as a cowboys fan, that is funny.

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Nariah and I are both lactose intolerant and have a history of gas wars with each other. Just a lil preface, lol.
So I’ve just picked up Nariah from school and we were on our way to swimming class.

Daddy… Mommy says I can’t crack my knuckles anymore. She says its bad. Sigh
Well… I did ask the doctor about cracking knuckles and necks and whatnot. He explained to me that you have these sacs in between your bones where the joints are, and when you ‘crack’ your knuckles, you’re essentially bursting those sacs which releases gas. And that gas release is the sound you hear. Kinda like bubble wrap we like to pop together? He said I didn’t have anything to worry about.
Ooooooh, cool!

A few moments of silence…

Excuse me daddy, I just released some gas!
Oh no! Gotta roll down the windows! Let it out!!! GET IT OUT!!! Hold your breath!” as I start rolling down the window letting in the cold fall air.

Daddy…. No. I meant my knuckle gas….

Oh….

LOL

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We were driving down to Carolina for my mom’s surprise birthday party last weekend. Coming from DC area that can be anywhere from a 4-8 hour trip depending on the traffic. Of course we are in the age range of hearing the “Are we there yet?” throughout the trip. About 2 hours outside of our destination, Nariah wakes up and asks “How much longer before we get there?
Oh… looks like about 120 minutes
Awwww man… 120 minutes? How many hours is that?
You tell me? How many minutes are in an hour?
Do I have to? 60….
Yup! Math is everywhere! So if 60 minutes are in one hour, how many hours until we get there?
Ugh…. I know its gonna be way more than I want it to be

Math lesson was officially over as I laughed at that response while she got more annoyed in the back seat and went back to sleep.

 


As some of you know, I do magic, and Nariah has taken an interest in it to a point of even going to a couple of summer magic camps. I’ve been teaching her some tricks here and there and she’s actually has been coming up with her own tricks.

My parents are up for the weekend and Nariah was showing my mom a trick she had come up with. I wasn’t paying attention but I overheard my mom going “Oh my goodness, that was awesome! how did you do that?
I honestly wasn’t thinking anything of it, that maybe my mom was just being encouraging or something.
Nariah then comes beside me and shows my dad and I’m watching and she actually fooled my dad. He’s all wide eyed going “Whoaaaaaah…. wait… how did you do that???
As I didn’t teach her this trick, I’m actually impressed with her presentation. “Nariah, you’re getting really good baby! Now you need to come up with your magician name.
My what?
Your magician name. You know, what you’re gonna call yourself… hmmmm like the great cupcaketini or something like that.
Why can’t I just be ‘Ryan Goldman’s Daughter’?

Awwww I’m touched….


Caught off guard by this one. I picked up Nariah the other day from school and asked how her day went while we headed home. She told me briefly about her day and then asked about mine. I responded about a meeting I had before getting a phone call. After the short phone call…

Oh yeah…. where was I? Hmmmm…. what else did I do today?
You did that?
Huh?
WOOOW! You did that too?
Did what? I didn’t say anyt—
Nariah cuts me off with “That’s awesome daddy! I can’t believe you did all that today!
Now I realize she’s playing me for a fool and I can’t help but to laugh.
Whooooah, you mean to tell me you did all those things and still had time to do that too!?!?! You had a busy day daddy!
You’re funny Nariah
I’m so amazed how much you do!!!
Ok… Nariah…. you got me….
Teehee… giggle giggle

This girl is a mess!
really


I know its been a long long time since I’ve posted. It’s been quite busy lately and I must say I’ve missed out on posting some truly hilarious stories, but just now, I had to stop unloading the groceries and share what my child just told me.

Nariah for some reason started joking on me and said I had a big head.
Daddy… your head is bigger than a street light! hee hee hee hee
My head is what?!?!? Girl… you don’t want any of this! You so dumb, you thought a quarterback was a refund!

Nariah looks at me with the “oh no he didn’t” look.
Well… you so dumb… you thought a linebacker was somebody who moves the line back!  ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!

Did this girl just cover her mouth say her own “ooooooooooooh“. I was laughing so much I couldn’t even come back.

Nariah = 1…. Daddy = 0

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Comedy is realizing the pockets on girls jeans are NOT functional. They are decor only.
I picked up nariah from magic camp and she says “Daddy… i learned a new trick… watch this…. but wait… let me get some pixie dust“.
Now being that I do magic myself, I know what she’s doing with this quarter trick, or at least the main gist of her version.
Poor Nariah couldn’t get into her pocket to complete the rest of the trick. She could not divert my attention with the pixie dust search as she was going “ughhhh, mmmmmmgh, grrrrrrr, ughhhhhhh, almost there….,
I had to fight from laughing and to make sure I didn’t, I offered up: “Hey baby…. I think back pocket pixie dust is stronger than front pocket pixie dust! Why don’t you look for some back there?

Crisis diverted!!!!  The magic trick can resume… and I must admit, she’s getting good with this stuff! I better learn some new stuff to keep her on her toes!

 

 


As we leave the house for summer camp one morning, Nariah asks can we take her American Girl doll to Maliyah’s house that evening as she’s going over there after camp to stay until Toya gets home from work. I have tickets to the advance screening of the Lone Ranger, but its in Tysons Corner and the “rules” say be there by 7, so I would have to leave prior to Toya making it home. Those familiar with DC metro traffic will know that from Germantown to Tysons in rush hour is not a good idea.
Sure thing baby, matter of fact… I’ll get Emily and put her in the car so we’ll already have her when I pick you up and we won’t even have to go home first!
Yeah daddy!!! Thanks!!!

Flash forward…
Literally sitting in traffic with co-worker Lamont (going to the movie also), on the way to pick up Nariah (which is about 30 mins in the opposite direction of the movies during rush hour) and it is not moving at all. We have to be at daycare by 6pm and it is not looking good. Kim, (Maliyah’s mom), calls me around 5:45 “Hey Ryan… just letting you know, I’m home now so you can drop Nariah off whenever!
Oh ok cool, but we’re still far away and traffic’s not moving…
Well, did you want me to go pick up Nariah? I’m just down the street
Hmmm… that actually might work! I think you’re still on the list. I’ll still head that way just in case but I’ll try to call and verify

So we’re now we’re driving towards the camp and slowing down by each exit in case Kim calls and gives the green like for us to make our U-turn exit. We finally get the “OK, got her” confirmation and proceed for the next exit. I ask to talk to Nariah to apologize for not being there and to wish her lots of fun with Maliyah. And this is where it began. I don’t have the audio to give you, but if you know Nariah, please imagine full on sad face poutiness in a voice that would make you give her that last piece of bacon off your sandwich.

Daddy??? I don’t have my American Girl doll…
I know baby, I’m so sorry, I’m stuck in traffic and Ms Kim was able to help and pick you up for me. You will be ok right?
But daddy, we were going to have an American Girl party…
I know baby, I can make it up to you, I promise!
Can’t you just still come? We can wait for you here….” (voice starts to crack at this point)
Baby, we turned around and headed to VA right now, remember I’m going to the movies? I’m in traffic on the other side now
But daddy…. what if Ms Kim takes us to the movies and then you bring it outside to us?
Nariah, that’s a good idea but we’re not at a movie theater close to home. I’ll tell you what, what if I pick you up early tomorrow, and we go to Walmart and you can pick out whatever toy you want?!?!
Nariah whimpers… “Please can we come get Emily? I really want her
I know Nariah… I feel really bad. What about Target? we can go there??

At this point Lamont says “man down man down!“, and takes the phone from me to try to help the situation. I don’t know exactly what was said by Nariah, but he gave me the phone back looking defeated…
Playing this all back, Lamont gave me his version of what he saw. It was a boxing match, and Nariah had me on the ropes, and was beating me down. Body blow, upper cut, cross! He wanted to throw in the towel, but said I gave a look like “don’t do it coach!“. What he described as what happened next was that it was like the last 5 seconds of the final boxing round, I have no chance of winning the match, Nariah is still beating me down on the ropes, and then out of nowhere I pulled out the victory punch.

Oooooh Nariah… I just thought of something… The mall that we are going to for the movies, that’s where the American Girl store is. What if I run down there, and buy you a new outfit and some accessories for Emily?
You could hear the whole scenery change at Nariah’s location thru the phone. You could hear the sun coming out, the birds started chirping, babies were giggling in the background. I could tell by the voice that Nariah was smiling and what ever tears she had, they were not there anymore!
Really daddy!?!?!!?!?!!? You can do that?!?!?!!?
I looked at Lamont, and mouthed with a sigh of relief “WHEW!!!
Yes baby, I can do that, would that help make you feel better?
Yes daddy
Ok, so I’ll call Ms Kim’s phone when I get there and I can describe to you the outfits and you tell me which ones you like ok?
Ok daddy, thank you daddy!!! Do you want to talk back to Ms Kim now?
Sure baby… I love you!
I love you too daddy! You’re still the best daddy ever!

Kim comes on the phone and snickers “Soooooooo, how much did this doghouse set you back? hahaha
When I got off the phone, Lamont says “Man… you got out of that one! I’m impressed! I thought you were out for the count! She had you on the ropes!
Who you telling? I thought I was done too. I don’t think I could’ve gone home tonight if I hadn’t come up with that idea!

Kids… They make this all worth it! Find joy in the many ways to make your children smile…  Knowing that the morning will be like Christmas morning to her when she sees what I got for her on the breakfast table will definitely mend the guilt.


We’re standing outside of the dining hall at a wedding during cocktail hour, waiting to be seated. As we’re killing time, Nariah says out of the blue, “I wish Unca CJ was here“.
Unca CJ? Why you say that?
He’s fun and would get the party started.
Ohhh, you want unca CJ because he dances and stuff?
Yeah…
What about daddy? You already know I get my dance on. Can Unca CJ do this?
I proceed to do a number of different routines in front of her, in the narrow space, full of people. There is obvious some sort of slight embarrassment going on between both Toya and Nariah at this point.
As I break into my 3rd different dance, saying “Well what about this? Can he do this? Huh? Can he?“, Nariah cuts me off. She points at me with this semi “shaking my head” look mixed with a little of “you’re so not cool daddy” look and says : “Daddy???? Stop….. This is not a competition…..

Toya busts out laughing at my expense of course while Nariah goes back to eating her hors d’oeuvres with a face that kinda looks like it’s saying “finally!”

I laughed a little but on the inside I was saying “Fine! Go and get your Unca CJ then, hmph“. It was indeed funny, but I couldn’t laugh too much since she’s played me. LOL.


Wow, really? 100? Never imagined when I started this blog that I would ever get a hundred posts about things Nariah has said.  Very cool milestone! Here’s to many more! Also coincidentally happening with this post is Nariah’s first official post on her own blog, a critique of Texas Roadhouse (the setting for this blog post actually) over at The Littlest Palate. So go ahead and subscribe to her blog for her perspective on life from a little foodie’s standpoint. The email subscriptions are managed separately from this one for some reason. And now… on to #100 🙂

We’re out in the mountains of Virginia for a wedding and we have a few hours to kill before heading to it. Nariah wants to swim in the pool, but we tell her we have to eat first, and if we have time, we’ll swim before heading out to the wedding. Since there isn’t a Texas Roadhouse “near” us, we almost have to go to one whenever we travel and see one. Their bread with the cinnamon butter…… OMG…… oops, sorry, I digress…

We end up telling the waitress that my birthday is in two days and I made a point to tell them if they bring cake and ice cream, don’t bring chocolate due to my allergy. “Oh… we don’t do that… I don’t know why tho, but I know we don’t give away free dessert. At my other job, they always give out some dessert or something for birthdays, its very cool… But yeah… sorry“.

As she leaves, I start to think what I can do for dessert since the dessert menu for some reason looked bleak today. “Ooooooh, I think I want to go back to Cookout and get that Cheerwine Float, now that would be awesome!
Ummmm No daddy…
No? What you mean Nariah?
No you can’t have that. If you get that, you’re gonna poot in the pool and I’m not having that!

She got me. No comment….