Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category


So N was putting on his flip flops the other day and couldn’t find one of them and says; “Where is my other…” paused for a second and then says “…flip flop?” 
Then he turns to me and says “Woooweee Mommy, I almost said the ‘E’ word”. 
I turned my head like Scooby Doo and went “Huh?”…
He says “You know – Effing!” 

 I almost died laughing… way to sound it out … that’s ma boy!!!

**Chel & Shannon**

So I’m (Ryan) down in Ft Worth staying with Chel and Shannon for the weekend. We’re deciding on what to eat for dinner and the subject of making dessert comes up. Well their daughter Madi gets excited and exclaims “Ooh, I wanna help!
You wanna help? Cool! I think your mom wants to try my strawberry cobbler
Ooooh, I love cobbler!
Ok, its a deal then!
Ummm, instead of strawberry cobbler, can we make peach cobbler?
Hmmm, how about we make two small cobblers? One peach, and one strawberry?
Ok, sounds good to me
Yeah, I like peaches, but I don’t like cooked peaches, so I don’t eat peach cobbler
I don’t like peaches either…
WHAT?!?! Huh?!?! Well why do you want peach cobbler then?
I like the crust!
After laughing hysterically at her I say, “Girl…. we’re making strawberry cobbler!


I’m babysitting a 2 year old girl and we are on our way upstairs. She asks to bring her toys and I tell her she can bring one item from the playroom.
What does she do? She put all her toys in a bag and brings up the bag. “Here’s my one thing!“.  Too much brilliance in that to not allow her to keep the bag.


Me and the kids have tea every morning.
A couple of mornings ago, the big one said, “This tea is going in my nipples and making them warm“.
The baby rubbed her nipples and said “My nipples are warm too


So I tell Jaz there’s a daddy long legs just along the staircase. She proceeds to tell me they don’t bite. Then she goes into, “Have you ever seen a mommy long legs? a sister long legs?  a brother long legs…?

*sigh* She just kept on going through family members. I politely slipped away 🙂


Ish: “Daddy I want to wear my Zshoes!!”
Art: “Your what??” 
Ish: “My Z- SHOES!!!”
Art: “What are your Z shoes? I dont buy nothing but name brand sneakers. Did your mother buy you some crazy type of shoes again?
Ish: “No my BLACK Z shoes you know!!
Art: (realizing he meant something else) “You mean your N shoes?? THOSE ARE NEW BALANCE BOY!!!”  lol.


Ish: “Kafi, you look like my mommy
Kafi: “??? Ummm thanks! Why do you say that?? Is it because of my hair??
Ish: “Yeah your hair makes you look like her
Kafi: “Well thanks Ish, I take that as a compliment because your mommy is a hot chick!
Ish: “My mommy isnt a chick she is a HUMAN BEING!!!


A group of us went to Houlihans for dinner. Riley’s seat is facing the wall filled with Marilyn Monroe memorabilia including various photos and a bust of her head. She asks, “Who’s that lady?
We say, “She was a famous actress who died a long time ago.
She replies, “and they got her head????


I have three children Ish, Zobe and Zamirah. They are 5 years, 4 years, and 4 months in that order. We have a lil family routine where I’ll just be myself around them at home. Typically it’s gross to do in public, but hey it happens. I blow the loudest horn possible and blame it on the baby lol.
My kids in unision say “EWWWW DADDY!!!
I reply, “WHAT???? What happened????
Zobe, “You FIRED IT daddy.
Huh?? what does that mean.
Ish being the older of the two informs me, “She meant you farted daddy.
I did no such thing. That was the baby.

So one day I just happened to be in Macy’s for one of those pre labor day sale rushes and its full of people. I was walking and unexpectantly it happened (I know I’m not the only person who has passed gas and didnt know it was coming or realized I farted) so…………

(Now everyone is staring while I, being embarassed, tried to turn the corner)
Zobe then blurts, “That was my daddy everyone, he does it all the time and tries to blame it on the baby!
Everyone in the store laughed……I grabbed both hands and lead them to the car. I didn’t even get what I came for lol.


It’s the first week of school and a kindergarten student can’t find his lunchbox during snack time. His teachers help him look for it but he gets more and more upset as he watches the other kids eat. He finally throws himself on the floor, pulls up his shirt and yells “You’re starving me! See? Look at my tummy!

The kids just looked at him but us teachers, fell out laughing!