Posts Tagged ‘comedy’


I’m cleaning out my voicemail on my cell phone and I come to this one from Nariah that has me cracking up.

Hi daddy! Its Nariah! Um… I’m calling because I left my elmo purse in your car. I need it. Can you bring it inside when you come home? It has my money in it. I really need my elmo purse.

Toya chimes in from the background.
We called to say we love you!
No I didn’t…. I want my purse!  Bye daddy!

Hahahahahahaahah. I guess she knows what she wants.

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It was a nice spur of the moment Saturday. We decided to go down to DC to see the MLK Jr memorial since we haven’t seen it yet. I thought it would be cool if we took Nariah’s new bike down and learned to ride on the waterfront afterwards. So we saw the memorial and rode the bike. Nice fun time. As we’re winding down, Toya is changing Toryn’s diaper at the car. Nariah and I walk to the waters edge to see the airplanes landing at Reagan airport. Now over the past month or so, Nariah has claimed that she’s speedy fast. So fast, that she is in fact, faster than everyone in the family, especially me. Sooooo, she decides to challenge me right here and now.

Daddy, lets race now, and I’ll show you I’m faster than you!
Oh boy… Nariah, now? We’ve been walking all day, and you’ve been riding your bike, and my neck is still sore from that diving incident.
Awww man, we’re never gonna race.
But Nariah, you can’t beat me. I am Daddy!” Yes, I said this in the ominous booming voice full of deep bass.
Yes I can, you don’t understand, I’m speedy fast, my legs go like this…” and she proceeds to run in place and then displays the Usain Bolt victory pose.

So now I’ve been punked… again by my daughter. Its on now!
Ok, you asked for it! Just know this, I’m not your friend right now, this is war! What tree are we going to?

We agree on the tree and… on your mark… get set… go!

Like I’m sure all parents do, I toyed with her for a little bit before winning by a good measure. I got to the tree first and did a maniacal laugh for extra fun, “Muah ha ha hahahahah, I am… DADDY!!!!!!

(A little backdrop for what happens next. I play basketball with a bunch of coworkers every Tuesday and Nariah comes with me until Toya picks her up on her way home from work. Most of us are older guys, but there are a few younger whippersnappers in there who run up and down the court like little jackalopes that drank three 5hour energy drinks and a red bull.)

Ok, this wasn’t right! Daddy, we’re racing back to the other tree, and this time, run like you run at basketball.
At basketball? I thought you said I look good out there?
You do daddy, but you’re slow, you run like this…
Nariah proceeds to sloppily jog in place like a slow zombie with her head flip flopping from side to side.
That’s how I know I can beat you!

I was dying laughing in between realizing my feelings were hurt. I guess I have to get in shape and keep up with the young whippersnappers when she’s looking.


After work, if the weather’s nice, I like to take the kids to the end of our cul de sac, stand/sit on the hill, and watch the cars go by. One thing I always did with Nariah was pretend to take her nose off and throw it somewhere or either eat it. When she was old enough to “fight” back, she’d do the same back to me. This eventually moved on to other body parts; eyes, ears, mouth, arms, belly, etc… Today was Toryn’s turn and both Nariah and I played with him, throwing his nose into the street while he giggles or either looks us like “uhhhh ok????”

Nariah has started to focus on me now, stealing my nose and eating it. She is laughing and giggling and feeding my “nose” to Toryn who is back to giggling again. Finally Nariah goes for the gutso. She takes my belly. “Now I’ve got your belly! Yum yum yum yum!”
She’s running around in circles from me as I chase her to get my belly back.

All of a sudden she stops, and has this wild “OMG” look on her face. “Wait a second here! Daddy’s belly has hair on it! ptooey ptooey ptooey“.
Nariah now proceeds to spit my belly out over the ground, looks at me, smiles the biggest grin, and then runs off towards the house laughing.
This child is a mess.


We’re having a nice family Saturday at the Rio boardwalk in Gaithersburg. Was actually on our way to the car to leave when we decided to get cupcakes. On the way to get cupcakes, we notice a band playing near the middle of the boardwalk by the lake. Sooooo, we decide to get our cupcakes and go check them out. Now I don’t know what kind of music it was, but if I had to guess, I’d say it was like a Native American slash Folk slash semi-Polka type combo music, whatever that is.

So those of you that know me can figure out that music, live atmosphere and just being me will probably equal something crazy. How do you dance to Native American slash Folk slash semi-Polka type combo music? I don’t know, but I was gonna try a few things to see what worked out. First I tried to hand dance with Toya. Ummm, yeah…. its doable, but not quite hitting the zone. Then I tried Detroit (or maybe its Chicago?) stepping. Toya couldn’t even keep a straight face because I had the the serious stepper face going on but was slowed down 3.8 times to fit the Native American slash Folk slash semi-Polka type combo music. I actually wish I had video of it to show, I was laughing at myself on that one. If you don’t know “steppin” in this format, click this link HERE, and note the footwork, that’s what I was trying to achieve with Toya in the slow motion form. LOL. Needless to say, Nariah is starting to get embarrassed. Yep, she’s not wanting to dance with her father. After numerous times of trying to get grab her hands and try to turn her around and dance, she finally puts her arms inside her shirt.

Nariah??? You aren’t gonna dance with your daddy? Come on boo, its me!
Nope!
I’m embarrassing you? Really?
Nariah turns her head away. I try to pull her close to me and she leans back.
I can’t dance with you daddy, I would if I could
Huh? What you mean? Of course you can dance with me, come on!
Sorry, but there has to be arms in order for you to twirl me around and stuff, and look….. I don’t any arms!

She says this with a slight smirk too mind you.
I couldn’t help but laugh and be impressed with her quick wit.

But alas, I still had the last laugh as I put my arms in my shirt like Nariah had done, and proceeded to dance around her, armless. If she gonna be embarrassed, might as well go all out!
*She gon learn today!!!!*

And to my delight, Nariah did indeed start dancing back with me…. armless…

(Kinda ironic that my shirt fit the mood for me not even thinking about being embarrassed, LOL)