Posts Tagged ‘funny’


Nariah came into soccer because her current coach noticed she had speed. Fast speed. Not really any skills… Just really fast speed. But… he said the skills will come and he wants to work with that speed. That was a few years ago and fast forward to now, the soccer parents have nicknamed her “the rocket” because of her speed. (See what I did there, “fast forward… 😉)

Nariah went on a trip today to a safari zoo and sent back a pic of this cheetah with the caption:

That’s me. I’m fast like a cheetah

Since the cheetah was laying there chilling, I replied:

That cheetah looks slow and lazy. Lol

Can cheetahs relax on a hot day? Gosh.

Guess she shut me up… And fast too, lol

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This showed up in my Facebook feed today from 7 years ago. I don’t know how this event of Nariah at 3 years old didn’t make it into my blog. I guess this will mark my first “Throwback Says Tuesday”, lol..

Toya made some Sloppy Joes for dinner. At a point midway through dinner, Toya goes to the kitchen sink. Nariah disappears from the table in a sneaky hurried type gait. She then comes out of the bathroom with a soggy bun.
Toya : “What are you doing?
Nariah : “I don’t like Manwiches, I’m rinsing it off so I can have regular bread.

 

Image result for manwich


Halloween was last night, and of course I was in character trying to speak like Thor while our family went trick or treating. It was getting late and Nariah and her girlfriends from school were hesitating on which way to continue their journey. I told them, “Fair maidens! We must quicken haste with thy decision before Hera comes at thee!

Nariah was not amused.

Daddy, Hera is not Norse….

Me: blink blink… Blank stare…. Blink blink….

What could I say? I totally meant Hela… And yes, I know the difference between the Greek Hera and the Norse Hela. But at that moment… I felt really dumb.

Why is she so smart? She didn’t have to call me out in front of everybody! Lol

Image result for helaImage may contain: 3 people, people smiling, people standing and night


I know it has been a loooooooong time since I’ve posted to this blog. Things have been pretty busy in the life of an autism parent. I’m striving to do better and get back into blogging… so without further ado, Toryn made me laugh tonight.

We’re sitting on the couch watching tv, just us fellas. Toryn wants something to eat and he pulls me to the pantry. I list off several items until he stops me when I say peaches.
Cool! We’re gonna eat some peaches… We’re gonna eat some peaches!“. I take him back to the living room and start doing the food vehicle sounds for him while I feed him.

Car? Ambulance? Fire Truck? Motor cycle?

Fire Truck

Ok firetruck… annnnnggggghhhhhhh, whoooooooooooweeewooooooooweeeewoooooooo“. He smiles as I bring the spoon closer and he eats it.  I proceed to do this with a boat, helicopter and airplane before I decide to try something new… animals.

What does a duck say?
Quack quack
Yup.. here you go! Quack quack quack….” and he eats the peaches.
I do this for a dog, and then a cat, as Toryn gives me the correct answers each time.
Next stop, cow. “How about a cow Toryn? What do they say?
Moo“.
For some reason I decided to remix the cow sounds like I was a dj or something. “Moooooooo ma-moo-moo-moooooooo ma-ma-ma-ma-moooooo!

Toryn gave me this look like “Dude? Really? You know goodness well there is not one cow that sounds like that… Stop it… Just stop it daddy… The game is over… I don’t even want to play anymore…Just give me my peaches“. I felt like he said all of that mentally because he stared at me for a good 10 seconds. I ended up busting out laughing at him, but he was dead serious in pointing out to me that I clearly messed up the cow sound. LOL.

toryn couch


So I’m sitting here with Nariah and we’re on my laptop looking up some pizza deals to order for dinner. Well on the yahoo front page, there’s the headline stating coach Jay Gruden is “done” with RG3.
Oh Nariah… look! Washington’s coach is done with RG3!
What does that mean?
Well it means he doesn’t want him on the team anymore, aint that something?
Oh… So now what is he gonna do?…..            Be a loser?

I had to laugh at that one. Its wrong, but as a cowboys fan, that is funny.


Nariah and I are both lactose intolerant and have a history of gas wars with each other. Just a lil preface, lol.
So I’ve just picked up Nariah from school and we were on our way to swimming class.

Daddy… Mommy says I can’t crack my knuckles anymore. She says its bad. Sigh
Well… I did ask the doctor about cracking knuckles and necks and whatnot. He explained to me that you have these sacs in between your bones where the joints are, and when you ‘crack’ your knuckles, you’re essentially bursting those sacs which releases gas. And that gas release is the sound you hear. Kinda like bubble wrap we like to pop together? He said I didn’t have anything to worry about.
Ooooooh, cool!

A few moments of silence…

Excuse me daddy, I just released some gas!
Oh no! Gotta roll down the windows! Let it out!!! GET IT OUT!!! Hold your breath!” as I start rolling down the window letting in the cold fall air.

Daddy…. No. I meant my knuckle gas….

Oh….

LOL

http://bodygurublog.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/knuckle.jpeg


We were driving down to Carolina for my mom’s surprise birthday party last weekend. Coming from DC area that can be anywhere from a 4-8 hour trip depending on the traffic. Of course we are in the age range of hearing the “Are we there yet?” throughout the trip. About 2 hours outside of our destination, Nariah wakes up and asks “How much longer before we get there?
Oh… looks like about 120 minutes
Awwww man… 120 minutes? How many hours is that?
You tell me? How many minutes are in an hour?
Do I have to? 60….
Yup! Math is everywhere! So if 60 minutes are in one hour, how many hours until we get there?
Ugh…. I know its gonna be way more than I want it to be

Math lesson was officially over as I laughed at that response while she got more annoyed in the back seat and went back to sleep.

 


Caught off guard by this one. I picked up Nariah the other day from school and asked how her day went while we headed home. She told me briefly about her day and then asked about mine. I responded about a meeting I had before getting a phone call. After the short phone call…

Oh yeah…. where was I? Hmmmm…. what else did I do today?
You did that?
Huh?
WOOOW! You did that too?
Did what? I didn’t say anyt—
Nariah cuts me off with “That’s awesome daddy! I can’t believe you did all that today!
Now I realize she’s playing me for a fool and I can’t help but to laugh.
Whooooah, you mean to tell me you did all those things and still had time to do that too!?!?! You had a busy day daddy!
You’re funny Nariah
I’m so amazed how much you do!!!
Ok… Nariah…. you got me….
Teehee… giggle giggle

This girl is a mess!
really


Its been suggested by numerous people that I document our son Toryn’s many faces. Some of the faces he has made over the years have been true “caption me” moments. So as my spinoff to “Nariah Says…” (which I need to add to as it’s been awhile), I introduce “The Faces of Toryn…” .

The most famous face that started it all. At his 3 month photo shoot, Toryn had already perfected the one eyebrow raise. Kinda had the plotting to take over the world look which was confirmed by his maniacal laughter that followed. This boy can make faces!

Plotting something very sinister

Plotting something very sinister

The sinister laugh

The sinister laugh


I know its been a long long time since I’ve posted. It’s been quite busy lately and I must say I’ve missed out on posting some truly hilarious stories, but just now, I had to stop unloading the groceries and share what my child just told me.

Nariah for some reason started joking on me and said I had a big head.
Daddy… your head is bigger than a street light! hee hee hee hee
My head is what?!?!? Girl… you don’t want any of this! You so dumb, you thought a quarterback was a refund!

Nariah looks at me with the “oh no he didn’t” look.
Well… you so dumb… you thought a linebacker was somebody who moves the line back!  ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!

Did this girl just cover her mouth say her own “ooooooooooooh“. I was laughing so much I couldn’t even come back.

Nariah = 1…. Daddy = 0

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