Posts Tagged ‘funny’


I know it has been a loooooooong time since I’ve posted to this blog. Things have been pretty busy in the life of an autism parent. I’m striving to do better and get back into blogging… so without further ado, Toryn made me laugh tonight.

We’re sitting on the couch watching tv, just us fellas. Toryn wants something to eat and he pulls me to the pantry. I list off several items until he stops me when I say peaches.
Cool! We’re gonna eat some peaches… We’re gonna eat some peaches!“. I take him back to the living room and start doing the food vehicle sounds for him while I feed him.

Car? Ambulance? Fire Truck? Motor cycle?

Fire Truck

Ok firetruck… annnnnggggghhhhhhh, whoooooooooooweeewooooooooweeeewoooooooo“. He smiles as I bring the spoon closer and he eats it.  I proceed to do this with a boat, helicopter and airplane before I decide to try something new… animals.

What does a duck say?
Quack quack
Yup.. here you go! Quack quack quack….” and he eats the peaches.
I do this for a dog, and then a cat, as Toryn gives me the correct answers each time.
Next stop, cow. “How about a cow Toryn? What do they say?
Moo“.
For some reason I decided to remix the cow sounds like I was a dj or something. “Moooooooo ma-moo-moo-moooooooo ma-ma-ma-ma-moooooo!

Toryn gave me this look like “Dude? Really? You know goodness well there is not one cow that sounds like that… Stop it… Just stop it daddy… The game is over… I don’t even want to play anymore…Just give me my peaches“. I felt like he said all of that mentally because he stared at me for a good 10 seconds. I ended up busting out laughing at him, but he was dead serious in pointing out to me that I clearly messed up the cow sound. LOL.

toryn couch


So I’m sitting here with Nariah and we’re on my laptop looking up some pizza deals to order for dinner. Well on the yahoo front page, there’s the headline stating coach Jay Gruden is “done” with RG3.
Oh Nariah… look! Washington’s coach is done with RG3!
What does that mean?
Well it means he doesn’t want him on the team anymore, aint that something?
Oh… So now what is he gonna do?…..            Be a loser?

I had to laugh at that one. Its wrong, but as a cowboys fan, that is funny.


Nariah and I are both lactose intolerant and have a history of gas wars with each other. Just a lil preface, lol.
So I’ve just picked up Nariah from school and we were on our way to swimming class.

Daddy… Mommy says I can’t crack my knuckles anymore. She says its bad. Sigh
Well… I did ask the doctor about cracking knuckles and necks and whatnot. He explained to me that you have these sacs in between your bones where the joints are, and when you ‘crack’ your knuckles, you’re essentially bursting those sacs which releases gas. And that gas release is the sound you hear. Kinda like bubble wrap we like to pop together? He said I didn’t have anything to worry about.
Ooooooh, cool!

A few moments of silence…

Excuse me daddy, I just released some gas!
Oh no! Gotta roll down the windows! Let it out!!! GET IT OUT!!! Hold your breath!” as I start rolling down the window letting in the cold fall air.

Daddy…. No. I meant my knuckle gas….

Oh….

LOL

http://bodygurublog.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/knuckle.jpeg


We were driving down to Carolina for my mom’s surprise birthday party last weekend. Coming from DC area that can be anywhere from a 4-8 hour trip depending on the traffic. Of course we are in the age range of hearing the “Are we there yet?” throughout the trip. About 2 hours outside of our destination, Nariah wakes up and asks “How much longer before we get there?
Oh… looks like about 120 minutes
Awwww man… 120 minutes? How many hours is that?
You tell me? How many minutes are in an hour?
Do I have to? 60….
Yup! Math is everywhere! So if 60 minutes are in one hour, how many hours until we get there?
Ugh…. I know its gonna be way more than I want it to be

Math lesson was officially over as I laughed at that response while she got more annoyed in the back seat and went back to sleep.

 


Caught off guard by this one. I picked up Nariah the other day from school and asked how her day went while we headed home. She told me briefly about her day and then asked about mine. I responded about a meeting I had before getting a phone call. After the short phone call…

Oh yeah…. where was I? Hmmmm…. what else did I do today?
You did that?
Huh?
WOOOW! You did that too?
Did what? I didn’t say anyt—
Nariah cuts me off with “That’s awesome daddy! I can’t believe you did all that today!
Now I realize she’s playing me for a fool and I can’t help but to laugh.
Whooooah, you mean to tell me you did all those things and still had time to do that too!?!?! You had a busy day daddy!
You’re funny Nariah
I’m so amazed how much you do!!!
Ok… Nariah…. you got me….
Teehee… giggle giggle

This girl is a mess!
really


Its been suggested by numerous people that I document our son Toryn’s many faces. Some of the faces he has made over the years have been true “caption me” moments. So as my spinoff to “Nariah Says…” (which I need to add to as it’s been awhile), I introduce “The Faces of Toryn…” .

The most famous face that started it all. At his 3 month photo shoot, Toryn had already perfected the one eyebrow raise. Kinda had the plotting to take over the world look which was confirmed by his maniacal laughter that followed. This boy can make faces!

Plotting something very sinister

Plotting something very sinister

The sinister laugh

The sinister laugh


I know its been a long long time since I’ve posted. It’s been quite busy lately and I must say I’ve missed out on posting some truly hilarious stories, but just now, I had to stop unloading the groceries and share what my child just told me.

Nariah for some reason started joking on me and said I had a big head.
Daddy… your head is bigger than a street light! hee hee hee hee
My head is what?!?!? Girl… you don’t want any of this! You so dumb, you thought a quarterback was a refund!

Nariah looks at me with the “oh no he didn’t” look.
Well… you so dumb… you thought a linebacker was somebody who moves the line back!  ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!

Did this girl just cover her mouth say her own “ooooooooooooh“. I was laughing so much I couldn’t even come back.

Nariah = 1…. Daddy = 0

1293929524313-1522594688.jpeg (129×175)


Comedy is realizing the pockets on girls jeans are NOT functional. They are decor only.
I picked up nariah from magic camp and she says “Daddy… i learned a new trick… watch this…. but wait… let me get some pixie dust“.
Now being that I do magic myself, I know what she’s doing with this quarter trick, or at least the main gist of her version.
Poor Nariah couldn’t get into her pocket to complete the rest of the trick. She could not divert my attention with the pixie dust search as she was going “ughhhh, mmmmmmgh, grrrrrrr, ughhhhhhh, almost there….,
I had to fight from laughing and to make sure I didn’t, I offered up: “Hey baby…. I think back pocket pixie dust is stronger than front pocket pixie dust! Why don’t you look for some back there?

Crisis diverted!!!!  The magic trick can resume… and I must admit, she’s getting good with this stuff! I better learn some new stuff to keep her on her toes!

 

 


We’re standing outside of the dining hall at a wedding during cocktail hour, waiting to be seated. As we’re killing time, Nariah says out of the blue, “I wish Unca CJ was here“.
Unca CJ? Why you say that?
He’s fun and would get the party started.
Ohhh, you want unca CJ because he dances and stuff?
Yeah…
What about daddy? You already know I get my dance on. Can Unca CJ do this?
I proceed to do a number of different routines in front of her, in the narrow space, full of people. There is obvious some sort of slight embarrassment going on between both Toya and Nariah at this point.
As I break into my 3rd different dance, saying “Well what about this? Can he do this? Huh? Can he?“, Nariah cuts me off. She points at me with this semi “shaking my head” look mixed with a little of “you’re so not cool daddy” look and says : “Daddy???? Stop….. This is not a competition…..

Toya busts out laughing at my expense of course while Nariah goes back to eating her hors d’oeuvres with a face that kinda looks like it’s saying “finally!”

I laughed a little but on the inside I was saying “Fine! Go and get your Unca CJ then, hmph“. It was indeed funny, but I couldn’t laugh too much since she’s played me. LOL.


First off, let me apologize for the delay in posts. I have food posts lined up to share on here and there have definitely been other “Nariah” moments, but life has just been hectic lately between the job and family life. Blogging just took a back seat. Not to mentioned we just started up Nariah’s own blog on the side for the world’s viewing pleasure. 😮
http://thelittlestpalate.wordpress.com/about/

Soooo, with that out of the way and without further ado….
(This is not “overly” humorous, moreso it was a cute pick-me-up based on the day I was having, I personally did laugh tho…)

The evening started off pretty wacko. I was at home, getting ready to leave to go get Nariah from after school care. I was kinda rushing as to not be late. I had just woken up from a 30 min nap (feel free to use this in my defense of what is about to happen), and opened the door to witness a monsoon happening. Now I knew it was raining, but not of the monsoonativic nature that was going on. So I grabbed my umbrella and stepped outside when my phone did the loud emergency distracting beep. “What now?? Oh… flood warning… ugh, that’s just great…

So I close the door, and walk to the car…. “My keys!?!?!?
Next was like a scene from the Old Spice commercial, look at your man, now look at me. I looked at the door, looked at the car, looked at the door again, looked at the ground, looked at the sky, looked at the car, “are you serious??!?”, looked at the door yet again, looked down the street, looked at the ground, looked at the door one more time, looked at the phone for the current time, “Oh snap, I’m gonna be late!!

Needless to say I had to walk to school, in the monsoonado, and in my nice semi-suede grey Jordans, which now have become like anchor weights as water in some spots are up past my ankles. I also noticed that I’m out of shape during this hike as well, but we won’t go there.  Luckily at school, one of Nariah’s friend’s parents offered to give us a ride home, to where we sought refuge in the neighbor’s house while we waited for Toya to come home. This wait would easily be an hour due to DC area traffic in monsoonomic weather.

Striking up conversation, as Miss Nariah is easily capable of doing, we talked about everything with our neighbors over some cookies and juice. Two of the household members were in a bad car accident not too long ago, and we compared that with the bad one Nariah and I were in last year, which Nariah ever so animatedly described. Somehow this convo lead into talking about this house’s direct neighbors being nosey and like the police, as they were always coming over their house about every little thing.
The Police?!?!!? Daddy, I wish we knew that last year…. when we had that accident.
Why you say that baby?
Because we could’ve used them to help us out when we got hit, instead of waiting for other police.
Ha ha, no baby, what she means is that the neighbors act like they are the police sometimes by the way they do things.
With an “ohhhh I get it” look on her face she says, “Ahhhhhh, They think its Halloween… I don’t think that would’ve helped us.”