Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Daddy on “magic”

Posted: August 13, 2013 in Comedy, Fatherhood, Nariah
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Comedy is realizing the pockets on girls jeans are NOT functional. They are decor only.
I picked up nariah from magic camp and she says “Daddy… i learned a new trick… watch this…. but wait… let me get some pixie dust“.
Now being that I do magic myself, I know what she’s doing with this quarter trick, or at least the main gist of her version.
Poor Nariah couldn’t get into her pocket to complete the rest of the trick. She could not divert my attention with the pixie dust search as she was going “ughhhh, mmmmmmgh, grrrrrrr, ughhhhhhh, almost there….,”
I had to fight from laughing and to make sure I didn’t, I offered up: “Hey baby…. I think back pocket pixie dust is stronger than front pocket pixie dust! Why don’t you look for some back there?”

Crisis diverted!!!!  The magic trick can resume… and I must admit, she’s getting good with this stuff! I better learn some new stuff to keep her on her toes!

 

 

Nariah says… #101

Posted: May 27, 2013 in Comedy, Fatherhood, Nariah
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We’re standing outside of the dining hall at a wedding during cocktail hour, waiting to be seated. As we’re killing time, Nariah says out of the blue, “I wish Unca CJ was here“.
“Unca CJ? Why you say that?”
“He’s fun and would get the party started.”
“Ohhh, you want unca CJ because he dances and stuff?”
“Yeah…”
“What about daddy? You already know I get my dance on. Can Unca CJ do this?”
I proceed to do a number of different routines in front of her, in the narrow space, full of people. There is obvious some sort of slight embarrassment going on between both Toya and Nariah at this point.
As I break into my 3rd different dance, saying “Well what about this? Can he do this? Huh? Can he?“, Nariah cuts me off. She points at me with this semi “shaking my head” look mixed with a little of “you’re so not cool daddy” look and says : “Daddy???? Stop….. This is not a competition…..”

Toya busts out laughing at my expense of course while Nariah goes back to eating her hors d’oeuvres with a face that kinda looks like it’s saying “finally!”

I laughed a little but on the inside I was saying “Fine! Go and get your Unca CJ then, hmph“. It was indeed funny, but I couldn’t laugh too much since she’s played me. LOL.

Nariah says… #99

Posted: May 24, 2013 in Comedy, Fatherhood, Nariah
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First off, let me apologize for the delay in posts. I have food posts lined up to share on here and there have definitely been other “Nariah” moments, but life has just been hectic lately between the job and family life. Blogging just took a back seat. Not to mentioned we just started up Nariah’s own blog on the side for the world’s viewing pleasure. 😮
http://thelittlestpalate.wordpress.com/about/

Soooo, with that out of the way and without further ado….
(This is not “overly” humorous, moreso it was a cute pick-me-up based on the day I was having, I personally did laugh tho…)

The evening started off pretty wacko. I was at home, getting ready to leave to go get Nariah from after school care. I was kinda rushing as to not be late. I had just woken up from a 30 min nap (feel free to use this in my defense of what is about to happen), and opened the door to witness a monsoon happening. Now I knew it was raining, but not of the monsoonativic nature that was going on. So I grabbed my umbrella and stepped outside when my phone did the loud emergency distracting beep. “What now?? Oh… flood warning… ugh, that’s just great…”

So I close the door, and walk to the car…. “My keys!?!?!?”
Next was like a scene from the Old Spice commercial, look at your man, now look at me. I looked at the door, looked at the car, looked at the door again, looked at the ground, looked at the sky, looked at the car, “are you serious??!?”, looked at the door yet again, looked down the street, looked at the ground, looked at the door one more time, looked at the phone for the current time, “Oh snap, I’m gonna be late!!”

Needless to say I had to walk to school, in the monsoonado, and in my nice semi-suede grey Jordans, which now have become like anchor weights as water in some spots are up past my ankles. I also noticed that I’m out of shape during this hike as well, but we won’t go there.  Luckily at school, one of Nariah’s friend’s parents offered to give us a ride home, to where we sought refuge in the neighbor’s house while we waited for Toya to come home. This wait would easily be an hour due to DC area traffic in monsoonomic weather.

Striking up conversation, as Miss Nariah is easily capable of doing, we talked about everything with our neighbors over some cookies and juice. Two of the household members were in a bad car accident not too long ago, and we compared that with the bad one Nariah and I were in last year, which Nariah ever so animatedly described. Somehow this convo lead into talking about this house’s direct neighbors being nosey and like the police, as they were always coming over their house about every little thing.
“The Police?!?!!? Daddy, I wish we knew that last year…. when we had that accident.”
“Why you say that baby?”
“Because we could’ve used them to help us out when we got hit, instead of waiting for other police.”
“Ha ha, no baby, what she means is that the neighbors act like they are the police sometimes by the way they do things.”
With an “ohhhh I get it” look on her face she says, “Ahhhhhh, They think its Halloween… I don’t think that would’ve helped us.”

Nariah says… #98

Posted: March 25, 2013 in Comedy, Nariah
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Its the first day of spring break and Toya’s mom has surprised Nariah with bringing up her two cousins from Florida along with her as they visit with us. Unfortunately for Toya and myself, we both have to work today, but to the kids, that’s a day without parents. Shortly after eating breakfast, Nariah starts off a conversation :
“Mama Caiden… you’re in charge today ok?”
“Ok, I’m in charge. Now the first thing… you and your cousin need to come back in the kitchen and clean off your mess from the table.”
“Aww man… why?”
“I’m in charge right?”
“Yeah but… you’re supposed to be in charge of FUN stuff, not that kinda stuff!”

http://agimpylife.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/in-charge3.jpg

Nariah says… #95

Posted: December 26, 2012 in Comedy, Family, Nariah
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We’re sitting at the dinner table on Christmas day. Somehow the subject came up about Ledo Pizza. I mentioned “Man… Mommy and I do not like Ledo’s! But it seems everybody in MD loves them for some reason!”
My mom asks, “What’s wrong with Ledo’s?”
“Well, I think its just not good, that’s all. I mean, they only give you one pepperoni per slice of pizza, and its like a pepperoni cup, filled with grease, lol”
“Eewww daddy!”
“I mean, the last time I was there, I didn’t even get pizza, I got lasagna… And they served it to me in a bowl!”
Toya looks up from her plate; “A bowl? come on now Ryan…”
“I’m serious! It was in a bowl, and it looked like soup, there was a layer of grease sitting on top of it. I literally soaked the top of the lasagna bowl up with some napkins… Hmmm, does that make me bourgeois bougie?” (I know “bourgeois” is the right spelling, but “bougie” just looks and flows better)
Toya contemplates; “Uhhhhh”
And then Nariah chimes in; “No daddy, that doesn’t make you bougie!”
“It doesn’t? Why thank you Nariah!”
“It makes you particular!”

Now the whole table is laughing at me. I think even Toryn was laughing too. And the whole time Nariah has this look that said “That was good wasn’t it daddy? Come on… give me some credit!”

Hmph!

Nariah says… #86

Posted: September 7, 2012 in Comedy, Nariah
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Thursday morning Sept 6th, I’m awakened out of my sleep by Nariah tapping on me.
“Daddy, Daddy…. Did the Cowboys win last night? Did they beat the Giants?”
**YAWN** “Huh? What? Oh… Yeah baby, they did! They won!”
“YES!” (Accompanied by a Tiger Woods fist pump) (<– yes, click on that link for a visual effect)
“So… does this mean I can wear my Cowboys Jersey to school today?”
“Ha ha, yes baby, you can”
“YES!” (Accompanied by yet another Tiger Woods fist pump) (<– yes, click on that link too for a different visual effect)

***Fast forward to after school care pick up***

I picked up Nariah from school and decided to take her to the Amish Market because I saw a sign on the way to school saying “Pig Roast”. I thought this would be a pretty good spur of the moment adventure. So we mosey on up the street to the shopping center where its located and to our dismay, it closed at 6 on Thursdays. It was already 6:45. So while we’re standing there deciding what to do, Carol, a co-worker of mine drives up. We talk for a bit, and then out of the blue, I remember that Carol is a Giants fan.

“Oh yeah, Nariah, Ms Carol is a Giants fan! Can you believe that?”
Nariah scrounges up her face.
“Nariah, don’t tell me, you’re a cowboys fan?”
“Yes”
“Ryan, what did you do to this child?”
“Nothing! She has her own free will in our house, I can’t help if she chooses to likes daddy’s team. Go ahead baby, show Ms Carol what you have on.”

Nariah smiles shyly and then walks up to the passenger door, tiptoes up, and pulls up her jersey by the top of the numbers (You know how the pros do when they make a good play and draw attention to themselves). Now I honestly didn’t expect all this so naturally Carol and I are laughing. Nariah turns around to walk away from the car, takes 2 steps, pauses, backs up one step, and then lifts up the back of her jersey by the shoulders so that Carol can see the name “Witten” on the back. Wow! Totally not ready for that one!

“That’s ok Nariah, we’re gonna get the next one!”
“No you’re not, we’re going to win the Superbowl!”
“Well you know we just won the Superbowl”
“Yeah… and you guys have 4 trophies!” Nariah actually says this with awe and amazement and I was actually proud that she was giving credit to the opponents.
“That’s right, we do! We have 4 trophies!”
“But you know what??? We have….. 5!!!!!”

You know how kids sit around joking on each other back and forth? Then one kid gets a really good one in and everybody goes “Oooooooooooooooooh” and starts laughing? Well that’s what this felt like. I almost felt bad for Carol but I also felt like I had to follow up Nariah with a delayed, deep bass induced “YEAH“. So… after I stopped laughing, that’s what I did. I thought I was done before, but this one took the cake. Poor Ms. Carol. All she could do was acknowledge that Nariah was indeed my clone, say her goodbyes, and then leave (still laughing of course). I don’t blame her, I don’t know what more Nariah may have said and I might not have been able to stop laughing at that point.

Nariah says… #84

Posted: August 31, 2012 in Comedy, Fatherhood, Nariah
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After work, if the weather’s nice, I like to take the kids to the end of our cul de sac, stand/sit on the hill, and watch the cars go by. One thing I always did with Nariah was pretend to take her nose off and throw it somewhere or either eat it. When she was old enough to “fight” back, she’d do the same back to me. This eventually moved on to other body parts; eyes, ears, mouth, arms, belly, etc… Today was Toryn’s turn and both Nariah and I played with him, throwing his nose into the street while he giggles or either looks us like “uhhhh ok????”

Nariah has started to focus on me now, stealing my nose and eating it. She is laughing and giggling and feeding my “nose” to Toryn who is back to giggling again. Finally Nariah goes for the gutso. She takes my belly. “Now I’ve got your belly! Yum yum yum yum!”
She’s running around in circles from me as I chase her to get my belly back.

All of a sudden she stops, and has this wild “OMG” look on her face. “Wait a second here! Daddy’s belly has hair on it! ptooey ptooey ptooey“.
Nariah now proceeds to spit my belly out over the ground, looks at me, smiles the biggest grin, and then runs off towards the house laughing.
This child is a mess.

Nariah says… #83

Posted: August 19, 2012 in Comedy, Nariah
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We’re having a nice family Saturday at the Rio boardwalk in Gaithersburg. Was actually on our way to the car to leave when we decided to get cupcakes. On the way to get cupcakes, we notice a band playing near the middle of the boardwalk by the lake. Sooooo, we decide to get our cupcakes and go check them out. Now I don’t know what kind of music it was, but if I had to guess, I’d say it was like a Native American slash Folk slash semi-Polka type combo music, whatever that is.

So those of you that know me can figure out that music, live atmosphere and just being me will probably equal something crazy. How do you dance to Native American slash Folk slash semi-Polka type combo music? I don’t know, but I was gonna try a few things to see what worked out. First I tried to hand dance with Toya. Ummm, yeah…. its doable, but not quite hitting the zone. Then I tried Detroit (or maybe its Chicago?) stepping. Toya couldn’t even keep a straight face because I had the the serious stepper face going on but was slowed down 3.8 times to fit the Native American slash Folk slash semi-Polka type combo music. I actually wish I had video of it to show, I was laughing at myself on that one. If you don’t know “steppin” in this format, click this link HERE, and note the footwork, that’s what I was trying to achieve with Toya in the slow motion form. LOL. Needless to say, Nariah is starting to get embarrassed. Yep, she’s not wanting to dance with her father. After numerous times of trying to get grab her hands and try to turn her around and dance, she finally puts her arms inside her shirt.

“Nariah??? You aren’t gonna dance with your daddy? Come on boo, its me!”
“Nope!”
“I’m embarrassing you? Really?”
Nariah turns her head away. I try to pull her close to me and she leans back.
“I can’t dance with you daddy, I would if I could”
“Huh? What you mean? Of course you can dance with me, come on!”
“Sorry, but there has to be arms in order for you to twirl me around and stuff, and look….. I don’t any arms!”

She says this with a slight smirk too mind you.
I couldn’t help but laugh and be impressed with her quick wit.

But alas, I still had the last laugh as I put my arms in my shirt like Nariah had done, and proceeded to dance around her, armless. If she gonna be embarrassed, might as well go all out!
*She gon learn today!!!!*

And to my delight, Nariah did indeed start dancing back with me…. armless…

(Kinda ironic that my shirt fit the mood for me not even thinking about being embarrassed, LOL)

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